I'll be the first to admit that I very gratefully love being pregnant. I do have crosses to bear, but carrying and bearing children isn't one of them ... yet. It's highly possible I'll be offering up a different tune down the road. However, as doubly alive as I feel to be the home for my third born, expecting while caring for a three year old and one year old with other stuff on the side does not escape from being draining. It's as if each day I'm in a very needed bath of patience with a broken stopper. Each day, I am surrounded by adorable pronunciations, sweet kisses, hilarious conversations and helpful obedience, but I also spend my time surrounded by whining, screaming, fussing, fighting, defiance along with a side of varicose veins and hormones provided by myself, all of which amplifies the increasing speed of my patience glug-glug-glugging down the drain well before I'm ready to stop taking a peaceful bath. Glug, glug, glug.
And yet, I jokingly told Chris at dinner tonight that I think I always should be pregnant when I'm battling picky eaters. And I thought it again an hour later that I always should be pregnant when I'm collapsing on my bed, releasing a sob from bedtime frustration and lost tempers on both sides. It sounds like it doesn't follow, but when I'm utterly annoyed and extremely exasperated, the Baby can roundhouse my raging emotions with some kicking and jabbing and poking. Those indescribable jabs and the accompanying wonder of who I'll meet in seven or so weeks time make me recall the same wonder and the same blossom of unconditional love that I felt shortly ago when my tantrummers and whiners were individually taking their own turns in the first home they'd inhabit.
Oh! Oh! I pined to know who you were! And now I know I get to know you every single day, whines and screams or not. I get to know you!
It's enough to make me wipe the tears away and go back into the bedroom with an apology for lost tempers and to exit after receiving forgiveness.
So let's hope this baby will have a sibling someday that perfectly times his or her pokes, yeah?