Getting a tiny bit older, marriage and motherhood have made me less of a vain person, and they have aided in making an insecure girl into one who is more confident. The times I’m seen by people with little or no makeup on heavily beats the opposite when compared on a scale. But although I may be less vain, I still nitpick at photos. Oh, I forgot that was my bad side! My outfit shows we don’t own a full-length mirror. Was that trashcan there when I chose that spot for a photo?
Chris is not a picture guy. He boasts that he didn’t get his senior photos taken in high school. And then he married me, who loved snapping and clicking and capturing long before children crawled into our life and long before blogging scrolled into my hobby list. I have countless photos of my three favorite boys together.
I don’t think this is anything out of the ordinary. I’m sure many can relate.
Anyway, Chris’ sparing use of photos lets me really and honestly know his true opinion of the sight he sees when he does deem it necessary to take a picture of me and the boys without my prompting. Sure, when I look at the photo after, I can see the flaws both in the execution and in myself. My phone is jam-packed and old so it takes a while for the camera app to load and then react to any taps. If you don’t know how to perfectly hold it still and not breathe and make sure it’s on auto-focus or tap to change the exposure, you normally end up with two blurry photos of the subject and five photos of the ground after losing patience with the phone’s lack of response. Don’t bother with explaining the benefits of natural light. And I still notice if my posture is less than flattering or if my dress isn’t falling just so.
I see all of that, but I also see the moment before when he walks into the room to see the boys sprawled all over me or clawing at my knees, I see him pause, and I see his quiet smile. I see how he sees me. He sees his girl, his wife, his mother to his children. I’m his, and we’re his.
And the memory of that moment is kind of the best photo editing tool there is.
(Although not much can edit the photo of the hospital urine sample cup he instagrammed last week. Goof).