So the other day I was kind of having a meltdown. A really silly meltdown. But right when the meltdown was at the end of the crazy crescendo, and I was heading toward at least a few hours of sulking in self-pity, I checked my email and (right at that moment!) my friend had sent me an article about this. It was one of those relieved sigh moments when you just kind of melt into a relaxed realization of a divine kick in the behind and nudge whispering, "You're okay." I put on my figurative big-girl mom pants and the rest of the time before Chris got home from his retreat was (mostly) fine, albeit with quite a few viewings of Frozen ( it's free on our TV right now! and Conor sings. "Go!" at the correct moments in "Let It Go" now so there's only minimal guilt).
I was re-reading the article the day Chris was getting home because I was excited to show it to him. He likes that stuff. He's always complimenting me on being a mother. But as I read it again, my excitement sputtered out. I read this quote,
"This maternal martyrdom, the pontiff noted, consists of a mother’s ability to offer herself in silence, prayer and total surrender, 'without any fanfare,' to her motherly duties."
Oh boy. That is not me. I'm in this rut where I feel the need to list on each of my fingers and toes and nose and what have you all that I did each day after the boys have been lumped into bed. Or before. It's more than a good cathartic vent. Husband, give me all the fanfare, I say! Give me the appropriate amount of cheesy potatoes as a reward for all that happened in the trenches! Once it's over, I promptly start looking at photos of the children because, I may be in a rut, but I'm still a doting, hopeless-in-love mother.
Fortunately, Chris had no idea what I was talking about when I just vented about this habit of mine to him. I like him.
Okay, I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I don't want to be in this rut. If I'm already in the trenches, why dig myself deeper? Here's to being more like a Montessori child - just content with what I did and not looking for fanfare.